Liberty Purchases Moon for Freshman Parking

OUTER SPACE – Liberty University purchased the moon on Thursday and anticipates using the extra[terrestrial] land as a parking lot for freshmen, sources say.

The moon is situated a convenient 250,000 miles away from campus and should prove to be a simple commute for freshmen as they go to and from their vehicles.

In a case where walking is undesirable due to sparse oxygen supply or radiation concerns, the 71 bus route will accommodate for the new location, adding an estimated 11,000 hours to its standard lap time.

“We are proud here at Liberty for our continually expanding student body,” president Jerry Jr. reported to the press. “Becky told me that this purchase was ‘out of this world’ and she was right. We’re excited for what the future holds as far as purchasing and turning other bodies of land into parking lots.”

Rumors have since begun circulating about university plans to construct the new school of business on Pluto.


Connect with the Flaming Bugle on Facebook and Twitter to stay in the know. 


8 thoughts on “Liberty Purchases Moon for Freshman Parking

  1. While riding the 71 bus, students are advised to not look at any celestial objects that are over 6,000 light years away (in fact, just don’t look out the window at all).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad you think the lack of freshman parking is funny. Believe me no one at Kinetic Gym is laughing. I’m still waiting for a response or at least a confirmation he received the email that he requested from me more than a week ago.


  3. Rita- you could always go car free. The college I went to did not allow freshman to have cars and it was rarely an issue. That school was also not nearly as centrally located as Liberty, nor did it have the bus service that Liberty has. After I transferred, the next school I attended had a parking lot for those living on campus (mostly freshman) that was nowhere near campus and while you could walk to it, many took the bus. That being said, even if you lived off campus, you didn’t HAVE to have a car because there was a really good bus system. I often took the bus because it was far easier than trying to deal with the headache that came with maneuvering the lots and finding a parking spot.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Liberty Staff, Faculty, and Students already had (still have) access to Heaven for eternal parking; but, I guess, the road going there is kind of narrow.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Freshman don’t realize how lucky they have it to even have the option of having a car. Many schools, as you said, don’t allow freshman to have cars on campus. Liberty actually considered that for this year and may relook at that option next year, depending on how many freshman apply and enroll.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s