Confirmed: Liberty Importing Fiery Eye to Place Atop Freedom Tower, Seeks Rings by Spring

Sauron Freedom Tower

LYNCHBURG, VA – Liberty University anticipates the arrival of a large fiery eye that will be placed  atop the Freedom Tower upon its completion in 2017. The eye will reportedly seek out possessors of engagement rings that were received prematurely, according to the pervading “ring-by-spring” paradigm.

Brad Bell, Liberty’s planning coordinator, confirmed the circulating rumor. A flaming eye of fire will indeed adorn the top of the Freedom Tower and will seek to anguish couples who become engaged in an untimely fashion.

“Students are getting engaged much too quickly on this campus,” Bell stressed. “We took a note from Tolkien and figured this would be the perfect way to strike fear into the hearts of 18 year olds who would otherwise be proposing to the first girl they meet in their sister dorm.”

As the true nature of the eye has been disclosed, students are reportedly becoming restless to the idea that they may have to wait longer than two weeks after meeting someone to become engaged.

 

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