Freshman Wrestles with Important Questions


LYNCHBURG, VAShortly after beginning his freshman year of college, 18-year-old Jon Wells began asking the important questions of on-campus life, including how much it costs to attend convocation, what the “rot” is, and what the stipulations are for having multiple girlfriends.

“If they’re from different dorms, can I have three girlfriends?” Wells inquired. “I mean, there’s a ton of girls I already have crushes on. It would be unfair to the rest if I just pursued one of them, right?”

Well’s Resident Shepherd advised that he take the whole dating scene very slowly, reminding him to first and foremost focus on glorifying the Lord and allowing opposite-gender relationships to develop naturally.

Sources say that Wells was spotted walking a girl back to her dorm at Commons 2 right before meeting another girl outside of Commons 1.


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