LYNCHBURG, VA – After addressing the student body of Liberty University, Gary Johnson, the Libertarian presidential nominee, skirted outside to the front of Vines center and set up a small table where he proceeded to sell cookies in order to raise funds to continue his efficacious campaign.
The cookies, reportedly oatmeal raisin, are a special Johnson-family recipe.
The former governor of New Mexico chanted several quips and vigorously waved a promotional poster at the indifferent hoard of college students as they migrated towards the dining hall.
“Send me to the White House! Selling raisin oatmeal cookies for one dollar to support my campaign!”
“Buy my cookies and keep out the rookie! A dollar for me is dollar against Trump!”
“Buy my treats to keep me on my feet!”
By the end of the hour, Johnson reported two dollars in sales.
The cookies tasted like seven percent national support, unconfirmed sources say.
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