LYNCHBURG, VA – Liberty University proudly announced yesterday the opening of the Friend Zone, a new parking lot designed specifically for students who have no significant other.
The new lot is far from campus grounds, located somewhere beyond zone 4. School officials thought the physical proximity nicely represented how far single students are from the true and lasting happiness that romantic relationships provide.
LUPD released a statement concerning lot regulations:
“Carpool passes will not be allowed in this lot. But let’s be real, none of those kids are coming to school with anyone anyway.”
Additionally, a statement from school officials said:
“This lot identifies and consolidates these very special students. This will help us to see which ones need fixing – because here at Liberty, if you’re single, you’re outside of God’s will, and that’s a problem.”
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