LYNCHBURG, VA – Nathan Croom, a resident assistant on south campus, is continuing his search for a “third party” that students have been openly talking about and praising on campus. According to rumors, the party will not be Liberty approved, and Croom is seeking to bring justice to whoever is participating in the inevitable devilry.
“I don’t know what kind of God-forsaken party would have weed AND be taking up donations to support Planned Parenthood, but I’ve got to find it and hand out the appropriate reps,” Croom stressed. “Apparently there’s also a game called ‘What’s Aleppo?’ – I don’t even know what that is, but it can’t be good and I’ve got to put a stop to it.”
Croom seems to remember hearing the name Gary Johnson and suspects it will be held at his off-campus housing. He’s not sure when the first two parties happened, but he heard that they were both pretty lame.