LYNCHBURG, VA—Researchers from Liberty University’s School of Religion revealed a stunning find Friday, as linguistic scholars have at long last pinpointed the ambiguous phrase “thorn in my flesh” used by Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians to be a reference to the evangelical blockbuster hit “Saving Christmas” starring Kirk Cameron.
Biblical commentators have been divided on the phrase for years, with many surmising it was some kind of physical ailment, and others supposing that it was a personal struggle with sin.
But the new theory that it was in fact the sheer existence of Cameron’s “Saving Christmas” makes perfect sense, according to Bible scholars.
“The film only appeals to an audience that already believes what it purports, it’s filled with cringe-worthy scenes, and it contains little if any stimulating dialogue,” said Dr. Love of Liberty’s religious studies department. “It has all the required elements of a messenger of Satan sent to torment the Apostle. It’s definitely something that you’d beg the Lord to depart from you at least three times.”
Dr. Love further stated that a newly unearthed letter fragment dated to the mid-first century assisted in cracking the code of the opaque phrase.
“How did a movie like this even get produced? Over half of it is filmed in the front seat of a car for crying out loud,” the author, assumed to be Paul, wrote in scathing prose. “The body of Christ is going to have some major public relations problems with this one.”
Story inspired by and draws from Babylon Bee’s Thorn In Paul’s Flesh Revealed To Be Wham!’s ‘Last Christmas’