Single Sophomore Researches Monasteries To Enroll In

LIBERTY UNIVERSITY – A male sophomore began researching monasteries earlier today after realizing that his being single for two months was probably a call to remain celibate forever.

The student shared that a quiet and contemplative life of prayer, mindfulness, and abstinence was exactly what the Lord wanted for him considering that any semblance of a girlfriend had been withheld from him for several weeks.

“I’m 19 and single – I think the call to celibacy is obvious,” the  student said as he scrolled through his Google search of, “Can you watch Netflix in monasteries?”

“I’m practically a monk already. Why not just take the extra step and make it official?” he added.

At publishing time, he reportedly postponed submitting his applications after hearing about the date-night event in the Rot this upcoming Valentine’s Day, thinking that it may be a heavenly sign that provision is on the way.


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