Student Who Would “Totally never speed date” Totally Would

THE ROT – Moments ago, a student reported that he would “totally never speed date” as he sat directly adjacent to the speed dating event in the Rot, eyeing enviously the students who didn’t adhere to shallow social stigmas.

Confirmed sources say that the student who allegedly would “totally never speed date” totally would – he just cares what everyone thinks about him, reportedly.

“Yeah, no way,” he said, thereby successfully maintaining his false indifferent image to his friends.

“That’s for people who are desperate. I don’t even want a girlfriend,” he continued as he really wanted a girlfriend.

At publishing time, everyone who participated had a “way better time” than the student who successfully maintained a false front to his friends and ignored his desires to have some fun.

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