City Of Seattle Promises It Has Better Coffee To Offer

THE ROT – In a desperate attempt to salvage its image, the city of Seattle has released a statement promising that it indeed has better coffee to offer than Sodexo’s “Seattle’s best” beverage served in the Rot.

“We swear the actual stuff is better,” the official statement read. “At best, it represents our mediocre offerings. Consequently, we’d very much so appreciate if Liberty’s dining hall would stop maring our image.”

Sources find it surprising that the far left-leaning city would take time out of its day to comment on false advertising while they had more pressing issues at hand, like deciding how many genders exist.

Additionally, many local students are disappointed to learn that the drink they have been enjoying for so long is, in fact, not imported from the nation’s hipster paradise. They reportedly feel very “inauthentic” and are compensating by posting more pictures of their outdoor adventures and captioning them will poetry, Bible verses or lengthy descriptions of what they’ve been learning lately.

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