Dining Infrastructure And Liberty Site Offline, Rapture Inevitable

LIBERTY UNIVERSITY – After realizing that the Liberty website is offline and that their Flames Passes have become useless at most dining venues, students on Liberty’s campus are anticipating the end of all things.

A majority of the students have gathered together on lawns across campus in preparation to begin their ascension into heaven.

“This is it,” a stoic student said who couldn’t access his LearnSmart assignment and had been forced to eat at the Rot. “This is the end of all things.”

Considering the approaching meeting of their Creator, prayers of repentance are the predominant activity on the lawns. Prayers pertaining to wasted time on LU Crushes, cheating on online quizzes and tossing bananas on the Rot have been reported. Additionally, sources say that more visceral displays of repentance are occurring such as the mass burning of vape pens and yoga pants.

At publishing time, no heavenly trumpets had been heard.


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