Report Says 90% of Local Instagram Content Centered Around Mookies

LYNCHBURG – An official report says that approximately 90% of all Lynchburg-area Instagram content is centered around Mookies, a new and aesthetically pleasing dessert truck in Forest, Virginia that has become a hot-spot for females looking to gizzy up their Instagram games.

Logan Anderson, a local student, grew frustrated while scrolling through his image feed, as all he could see were either pictures of girls holding desserts close to their faces, cookie sandwiches held up by anonymous hands, or a girl looking down at her cookie sandwich in a deceptively candid manner.

All of the images were aimed at increasing vain online popularity, sources say.

“It’s like Instagram is just one giant, aesthetic, attention-seeking Mookie’s ad,” Anderson said. “We get it. You drove off campus and went to a hip new spot. Just stop trying to use popular people, places and things to draw attention to your virtual life.”

“If you’re upset that you didn’t capture a cool moment on your phone, you need to get over yourself,” Anderson added. “Just enjoy your time there.”

Despite the shallow pursuits of many patrons, Mookies is reportedly an admirable small business run by respectable owners.

After Anderson’s interview, he was seen posting an image of himself fishing with a large group of people to make sure the online community knew he did cool things and had lots of friends.

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