Girl Dating Jesus Not Satisfied with the Whole ‘eternal salvation thing’ as Valentine’s Day Gift

LIBERTY UNIVERSITY – A frustrated junior who has been dating Jesus since her last relationship is reportedly unsatisfied with the whole “eternal salvation thing” as her gift for Valentine’s Day, sources say.

Sarah Johnston, 19,  would reportedly rather be given something “more Instagram-able” than a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

“The eternal salvation thing is nice and all, but I’ve gotten it, like, every year we’ve dated,” Johnston droned. “And how am I suppose to post eternal pardon to my Instagram?”

Johnston had taken a break from dating the Lamb while seeing someone freshman year, but as soon as that was over, they picked right back up where they left off thanks to the Messiah’s unfailing love.

As frustrated as she is, Johnston plans to remain in this committed relationship – until a total hotty finally asks her out.

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