Report: 100% of Liberty Students Relieved at Announcement of 2018 Commencement Speaker

LIBERTY UNIVERSITY – A campus-wide survey administered last week reveals that every single soul attending Liberty University is in a contented state of relief after hearing who would address the graduating class of 2018.

Upon announcing that former United States president Jimmy Carter would be the keynote speaker this May, students’ hearts welled with relief and fears were immediately alleviated. These concerns centered around the possibility of choosing a speaker associated with a predictable and potentially harming flavor of political persuasion.

Students declined to comment directly on the report, instead just breathing hearty sighs of relief to members of the press.

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