LIBERTY UNIVERSITY – An official report released this week stated that you are the only young evangelical person not getting married immediately after graduating from college.
The report is based on a study that included every senior class from all Christian universities in the nation, thereby confirming the conclusion with complete certainty – you’re definitely the only one.
“After conducting the exhaustive survey, the only person not immediately getting hitched and being propelled into a marital stage of life is the reader of this sentence,” the report read.
Researchers are uncertain if you’ll be able to exist in a state of contentment, considering you won’t have a marriage to draw fulfillment from.
Officials advise you to delete your social media applications immediately, as your newsfeeds will soon be saturated with photos of happy couples meandering through fields, pulling their lives together and undoubtedly obtaining ultimate contentment.
“Pull it together already,” the official report advised you.